“Hello, my puny-minded, dog-faced opponents. I’m sure you’re wondering to yourselves who it is that will defeat you. Who it is that possesses the intellect to win at this chess game of wits and might? It is I!”
― Mr. Tinkles in Cats & Dogs
― Mr. Tinkles in Cats & Dogs
Actor Sean Hayes as the despicable Mr. Tinkles in Cats & Dogs was just so perfect, wasn’t he?
But the point of this exercise is not to sing praises of those oh-so-typical movies that are only too happy to mark cats to be the villains. Hollywood, until now, has always reveled in their age-old pro-dog philosophy and minted their millions. But little do they know that there’s only so much that a feline can take. Beyond which, this is what happens.
So cats actually rule, as this Buzzle post is about to prove. And dogs can just dr… Eh, never mind.
Cattitude is real.
It’s cattitude, darlings. Get used to it.
So what you think is a resting bitchface is just a cat’s way of expressing exasperation at the hilarity that is the human race; something that a dog can’t even comprehend. They use words like ‘misunderestimated’. They reply with a ‘k’ in place of a legitimate affirmation. They believe that iOS 7 waterproofs their phones. And oh, they read ‘Twilight’. Some of them even more than once.
Seriously, if you’re anything like the above-described sheeple, just please get a dog. And a sheepdog while you’re at it.
Deep, deep down we do tolerate dogs.
We at least try to love a dog, as much as it kills us.
As hard it is for cats to tolerate those scruffy, smelly, uncouth tail-waggers, they do like them, even though they loathe to accept it. Can the dogs behave civil around a cat?
But then, what do they know about being matured and refined, those slobbers!
Grace, thy name is cat!
We don’t just walk. We cat-walk.
Felines are synonymous with everything that’s utterly graceful and dignified. They’re born with the incredible skill of keeping themselves spotlessly groomed at all times. Those lithe limbs enhance every movement they make with a sublime grace that is undoubtedly feline. There’s a reason why the runway is called a ‘cat’walk, you know.
We rule Halloween.
Some of us need a costume. But some of us are born with it.
While dogs get to go trick-or-treating in their humiliating costumes, the cats only need to come into their element to celebrate this festival. Some sassy cats can rock the devil’s horns as they own them, but there are others who don’t even need a costume…
And the Internet too.
They love us when we’re cute.
This one’s easy―cats are the undisputed kings of the Internet, and that’s saying something about the race that claims dogs to be their best friends.
And strangely, even more when we’re ugly.
We don’t slave, we enslave.
Get in line to worship us, minions.
So as the dogs are tenaciously employed to fight man-made crime like bombs, drugs, kidnappings, and murders, cats have always fought the biggest natural threat to humankind―rodents. Be thankful for your plateful of food and get in line with the ancient Egyptians who worshiped their cats.
Keep calm and be a cat.
Always cool in the face of danger―that’s us!
Hakuna Matata is a way of life for cats, and their loudest yowl is still quieter than a dog’s pansiest howl. Cats do not jump on your guests or try to slobber all over them, neither do they treat them like Al Qaeda trainees. Even when they’re stuck in apparent danger, just a few meows are enough for their human minions to come rushing to their rescue, firemen and all.
We’re the ninjas with nine lives.
Who da ninja? We da ninja!
Truckloads of curiosity. Ninja-inspired hunting abilities. Landing on their feet. Retractable claws that don’t go tiki-taka announcing their arrival. Amazing night vision. Razor-sharp hearing. And nine freakin’ lives to top it all.
Inside is where we live.
Who LEFT the dogs out? Woof! Woof! Woof!
A chain that binds a cat to the porch is yet to be invented. The cushiest seat in the house is reserved for them. They always eat before the humans do and never hanker for scraps. The softest pillow is where they lay their heads on. Even the house is willed to them … wait, isn’t it?
We only love our human.
…Not any random passerby on the go. Only the chosen few get to pet a cat, love a cat, clean her litter, and be ignored. But these very people are the fortunate few to receive those tiny little head boops that say “I Love you”. The urgent “meows” that welcome them home after a long working day (and don’t stop until they hug the cat). The touch of a warm paw on a winter morning. The incessant cheek-brushing that says, “You’re mine”. And yes, those soothing purrs to alleviate all ills.
So you see, life with a dog is always good. But life with a cat … it’s just something else.
